


The Years You'd Talk For Me

by EmiAliceinWonderland



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Boys In Love, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Romance, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:56:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8082100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmiAliceinWonderland/pseuds/EmiAliceinWonderland
Summary: "They talk about their secrets, their hardest nights, their worst moments, their biggest dreams, their families, their pasts, their favourite things, their horoscopes, their religious beliefs, everything under the sun and more. They talk about everything that night and hold hands the whole time as they fall deeper together."---Follows on from a moment in my fic "The Ocean Burned", but can be read as a stand alone!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arielmagicesi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielmagicesi/gifts).



> I wrote this for arielmagicesi because they left a lovely comment on my fic "The Ocean Burned" saying they would love to read a transcript of the night Ronan and Adam spent together just talking for hours in bed in that fic. This isn't a transcript and doesn't cover everything they talked about by all means, but I hope y'all like it anyway. :) <3
> 
> The title is from Bon Iver's song 'Holocene', please listen to it because it is the musical embodiment of what I want this fic to feel like!

_ 11 PM _

 

They get into bed early. It’s early for them anyway, usually at eleven Adam is only just starting on his homework for the next day after a shift at the garage. And Ronan? Well, 4AM is an early night for Ronan Lynch. 

 

They crawl into bed, tired from everything that’s been going on, from the relief that they’re together and safe and warm and okay in the haven that is the Barns. Ronan’s childhood bedroom is soft and quiet and calm. His bed is big enough for both of them. Adam scoots up against the wall, and Ronan gets in next to him, both their heads together on the one pillow. It’s not awkward even though it should be. They’ve been best friends for so long now, and quietly flirted without saying their feelings out loud, that being close like this isn’t weird, it’s just...nice. 

 

It’s really, really nice. 

 

Adam lets out a contented sigh, and Ronan can’t stop a smile quirking at his lips as he rolls over so he’s facing the other boy. They lock eyes and Ronan feels like he’s floating in a warm, still ocean. He feels so quiet inside. He can’t think about anything else but the person in front of him, and he doesn’t want to. He wants to stay in this moment forever. 

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Adam whispers after a moment, both of them on their sides looking at each other now, noses almost brushing, breath warm on each other’s cheeks. Ronan fiddles between the sheets to reach for Adam’s hand. He finds it. He squeezes once. 

 

“Of course.”

 

_ 12AM _

 

Adam’s secret had prompted Ronan to tell his own. A soft confession of “I used to think love was a privilege. I’ve never felt love or been loved before,” had spurred an hour long conversation of what love meant to them. They both knew they loved each other, but through some sort of silent mutual understanding didn’t say it quite yet. It could wait. They had time. 

 

“I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love again after my dad died,” Ronan had admitted. He told Adam how he’d become so hardened and cold and closed off that he didn’t know who he really was anymore. His mother had faded away and Declan had become more of an enemy than a brother, and Matthew was broken by the death of their father and the only way to cope with his family falling apart over night had been to pretend he had no feelings about anything. 

 

“Gansey saved me,” he whispered to Adam. Adam rubbed the calloused pad of his thumb over Ronan’s knuckle, shifting a little closer. Their knees locked together. Adam hooked a foot over Ronan’s ankle. 

 

“Me too,” he admitted in return. 

 

_ 1AM _

 

“You know the night Noah found me? We didn’t know each other that well yet, but Gansey called you and you snuck out of your house to come see me at the hospital?” 

 

“I remember.”

 

“The nurses thought it was a suicide attempt, my wrists were all shredded, my dad had just died, it was obvious…”

 

“It was night terrors, though.”

 

“Yeah...it was. So now Gansey thinks it wasn’t a suicide attempt, he thinks I didn’t want to die. He thinks I didn’t want to kill myself, but...I did Adam. I wanted to die. I let -- I let them destroy me. I wanted them to destroy me.” 

 

“Oh, Ronan…”

 

_ 2AM _

 

Adam snuggles as close as he can to Ronan, whispering into his collarbones all the horrible thoughts he’s had about his dad. 

 

“I wish he was dead sometimes,” he breathes out into the darkness, the words falling into the crook of Ronan’s neck between his shoulder and his clavicle. He has never said those words out loud before, but this feels like a safe space, a safe night, with Ronan’s arms around him he can say what he wants, he can get everything out, they can both start healing through talking. It’s so simple, but so, so needed. 

 

He feels Ronan give a little nod of understanding above him, he feels awful saying he wishes his dad was dead to a boy whose father was murdered, but there’s an innate understanding between them and neither of them are holding back and when Ronan presses a soft, feather-light kiss to the crown of his head, he knows it’s all okay. 

 

_ 3AM _

 

“You’re such a Cancer,” Ronan laughs as Adam reads out his horoscope for the week from a shitty website on his phone. The artificial light from the screen is strange in the middle of the night, but the warmth of being together is all around them. 

 

“There is good energy for coming together with someone special this week”, Adam reads, his eyes bright as he turns to look at Ronan. 

 

“Coming together,” Ronan whispers. 

 

Adam makes a disgusted face, before his expression contorts into rioutous laughter, too loud for the still night, but so right. Ronan is laughing too, and Adam starts lightly kicking at his legs under the covers. 

 

“That was supposed to be romantic, you asshole!”, he laughs out, approaching the hysterics that only 3AM can grant you. 

 

“Sorry,” Ronan wheezes back, giggling to himself as he dodges an especially big kick from Adam, grabbing the other boy and flipping them both over in the bed before pinning him down to start tickling him with no remorse. 

 

_ 4AM _

 

“I love this song,” Ronan says as he gives Adam one of his earphones. It’s an electronica track, but Adam can see the appeal. He can see the appeal of anything when Ronan’s passionate about it, honestly. And he knows music is important to Ronan, even if they all make fun of the Murder Squash Song, he knows that sometimes loud music blasting through his headphones is the only thing that keeps Ronan sane in his worst, lonely nights. 

 

“It’s good,” Adam says honestly, letting his mind float along with the beats in his good ear, grounded by his hand in Ronan’s. 

 

_ 5AM _

 

“Do you believe in a God?” Ronan asks into the darkness, his shoulder is pressed tight against Adam’s and they’re both looking up at the dark ceiling, hands between their bodies, Adam’s thumb back to brushing against Ronan’s wrist, his arms, his knuckles. It’s the most soothing feeling in the world. 

 

“You won’t offend me if you say no,” he adds when he feels Adam tense a tiny bit at the question. “Just ‘cause I’m religious doesn’t mean other people have to be, you know?”

 

Adam nods in the dim light. 

 

“I don’t know,” he says quietly, “I honestly don’t know. I used to pray for God to let my parents love me when I was little. And I got mad at him when he didn’t make that happen. But maybe everything happens for a reason.”

 

With no warning he turns quickly to press a soft, warm kiss to Ronan’s cheek. 

 

The feeling lingers and seeps into Ronan’s skin. 

 

“Maybe it does.”

 

_ 6AM _

 

Adam lets out a loud yawn, and stretches like he’s a cat. Soft, early morning, bright sunlight is beginning to seep through Ronan’s curtains. 

 

The boys snuggle down deeper into the rumpled sheets, and Ronan catches Adam’s yawn and can’t stop his own from coming out. 

 

“Tired?” he asks Adam. Adam nods, blinking sweetly up at Ronan before snuffling into his chest, scooting closer across the mattress and slinging an arm easily over Ronan’s waist. His eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly within a minute. 

  
Ronan smiles. He yawns again, wraps his arms around Adam Parrish’s warm back, and closes his own eyes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to say, comments mean the world to me <3333333


End file.
